Raising our Children to be Kind, Good, Responsible and Happy Young Adults

The thing of which I’m most proud is the fact the four kids we’ve been blessed to raise, have turned out to be well adjusted, kind, happy, and just good people.

This isn’t to say that we haven’t had some dire worries, issues and concerns over the years.
Those crazy early years – most of the 80’s is just a a blur of sleepless nights, changing diapers, cleaning up poop and vomit messes at all hours of the day and night in cars, beds and cribs, and if we’re lucky, outside somewhere. (We used to have a dog that would lick up vomit with relish the moment it hit the ground. I’m not really fond of dogs, but they do serve some useful purposes. They're really good at cleaning the floors under the table too.)

John was often a teacher at the same school the kids attended, but that didn’t mean they got any favors or special treatment – at least by him. The worst of this is that, any time any of the kids acted up or did anything slightly naughty, John usually found out before the time school was out.

We didn’t get to skate through the teenage years at all either. I won’t go into too many details her, to protect the repentant. With every teenage issue with which we had to cope and get through, I can only say that the Holy Spirit, dear Bishops and dear friends help us get through with our family more firmly committed to each other and we all grew in understanding empathy for other families who may find themselves in similar situations.

Some constants,

• Chores -- We set up a pretty strict regime of chores as soon as the kids could reach the silverware drawer and table top. We always had a chore chart and the kids all started washing their own clothes and putting together their own lunches at a very young age. They’ll tell you they started doing these things in kindergarten or first grade, but I’ll hold firm it was more like 3^rd or 4^th grade. I remember once hearing a talk by Wayne Dyer that said, if your kids are old enough to play video games, they’re old enough to start doing their own laundry….made sense to me. I always tried to make it fun though too. Many times, we'd do a quick "Pick up 10 or 20 items" each and you'd be surprised at the difference that could make. I'd also rally the forces, put on some fun upbeat CD really loud and we'd set the timer for 15 or 20 minutes in each room and just blitz the house together -- mostly on Saturday mornings.
  

• Church and church activities – Attendance was never optional for either -- we were just one of those families that was always there -- and always participating. Most of the dear friendships we've had over the years have been nurtured through church and related activies.

• Travel – Because of finances, most of our vacations were either with, to or from family. So, we had a lot of stops on our way to Utah, Minnesota, and

  

  Arizona. Luckily, there are some pretty fun places –National Parks, Las Vegas, Mt. Rushmore-- between our Southern California home and the relatives. We also visited a lot of museums, missions and visitor centers. One of the kids’ favorite trips was a few days up in San Francisco. The highlight they all seem to remember most fondly, was our day trip to Alcatraz. Luckily, it’s the only time any of them have been in prison – thank goodness!

• Learning -- One year I wanted to help the kids stay sharp over the summer so I devised a summer school program. Aside from some basic worksheets, writing and math problems, one thing I remembered is having Danny and Heidi start running around the block in different directions – knowing that they’d meet in the middle of the block to check on each other and do some encouraging razzing. It was then that I learned that Heidi had a killer competitive spirit and could really run far and fast – this (through soccer and track) would be something we’d be supporting her on for many years to come.

• Dancing – on many nights, instead of the usual watching T.V., we’d just put cassettes in the old boom boxes or stereo and have our own dances. We’d turn the lights off, and get flashlights that we’d shake around to make our own strobe light effects. (I was usually the one holding and shaking the flashlight. The girls would often prepare very elaborate lip-synching shows for us was well – complete with costumes, props and light effects. A couple of the songs I remember well from these activities is "Stay" and "I Would Walk 500 (or 1000) Miles"..fun times!

• Sports and Activies -- Bowling, Tennis, Volleyball with friends a the church, Danny played football in junior high and high school. All the girls played soccer, ran track, played volleyball and basketball. We loved watching Heidi play soccer at the junior college at Mt. SAC and at Cal State Bakersfield. I hope some of our grandkids are active in sports, music or other spectator activities.

• Eating Dinner together (We all had our regular seats at the dinner table). -- This didn't happen every single night, but at least 4 or 5 times a week.

• Eating Sunday night dessert in the family room. -- We almost always watched, "America's Funniest Home Videos" and, although we don't anymore, we used to watch the Simpsons as well. (The few times I've watched it in the last year or two, its gotten much worse than it used to be.) Some of our favorite deserts included tapioca pudding, strawberry shortcake, ice cream (over brownies or pie or banana splits or as root beer floats) and warm butterscotch pudding.
  

• Other good memories of the years with the kids at home include taking walks to the park, taking part in the old fashioned 4^th of July celebrations at the park and watching fireworks from our front yard in the evening, running through the paper on Christmas morning, and faking all sorts of physical calamities with crutches, slings and eye shadow black eyes for April Fools Day. One time John ordered a Whooper (yeah, that's not a typo) at the Burger King drive-through (with a crazy mid-eastern accent) which still has me laughing every time I think back on the order taker's inability to understand him. We enjoyed visiting cousins in Utah, and we often had some alternative birthday cakes such as a birthday jello for April one year when our oven was broken. We enjoyed picnics and catching pollywogs at Chino Hills State Park, camping at Doheney Beach, reading books out loud before bed, playing hide and seek in and outside the house and just being together.
  

We're still having a lot of fun together, now that the kids are all married and young adults. Its hard for me to believe that they are all adults. Yesterday, Heidi happened to drive by me while I waited at an intersection a few blocks away from my house and I didn't even recognize her. I was wondering, "Why his that pretty lady smiling and waving at me?" (She recently colored her hair a darker brown and in my mind, she'll always be a blonde). Where did those years go?

Anyway, I love them all so truly and deeply. They've turned into my best friends and they're giving me the best gift in the world....sweet little grandkids. We're starting the fun all over again!